I am weak. Last year I swore off nano, but I’ve come back begging for more.
I’ve written some bad manuscripts. I’ve lost many protagonists to my writing addiction. It must be that feeling you get when you kill a protags wife or give him a big raise at work them crash the world economy. It’s power. You know how I got addicted to nano? I tried it.
The problem with nano is that it pushes you to work your imagination off, feeling everything the protag does, it’s a secret second life. Right up until the moment when you finish and the 30th comes. Leaving you spent in a heap of coffee stains and crumpled post-it notes. An adrenalin junkie.
After the explosion of creativity weeks and months pass, where no story idea’s come causing uncertainty you begin to doubt. Did you really write a novel?
When your strength returns the story will come, you tell yourself.
My biggest fear was that I wasn’t going to be able to write without it. The push of the keys into the board; each click, revealing more of the story. The cold coffee.
How I tried to write without nano, but the feeling isn’t the same. Sure, I pulled off a few short stories and made an outline or two. This time around I’m re-writing a novel I wrote seven years ago. One that I swore would never see the light of day. One that I can’t stop thinking about.